Depression came like a thief in the night and settled on me like a heavy sodden blanket, sapping my strength, smothering me, rolling over me, dragging and pinning me down. Who knows what the trigger was this time? Tiredness, busyness, taking criticsm to heart, who knows. No matter, it came, uninvited, unwanted and seeped its gloomy way into my whole being.
Where there was talking, there is now silence. Where there was joy there is abiding sadness. Where there was laughter, now there are tears. Where there was movement there is now stillness. Where there were smiles there are now frowns and lines. Where there was creativity there is now mundane greyness. Where there was togetherness there is now aloneness. Where there was neatness and order there is now mess and chaos, both physically and emotionally.
Depression robs my body of strength and warps my mind. A simple command is met with lethargy. My physically able body of yesterday, is, today, bound by my convoluted mind. I scream, yell and plot revenge in my twisted mind but the words cannot escape my imprisoned lips.
Depression lies to me that God has deserted me, when He is right there beside me.
Depression lies to me that life is not worth living, but I have life abundant through Christ.
Depression lies to me that I will never feel joy again and yet I do.
Depression lies to me that death would be welcome, yet my days are numbered by the Almighty God and today is not that day!
Depression lies to me that I cannot do anything right, yet my children love me and my husband praises me.
Depression lies to me that I should hide from the world, yet my friends would love to surround me with care and love, if they knew.
Depression lies to me that my prayers, the feeble ones I do manage to get out, bounce off the ceiling, and yet my God hears my most desperate whispers in the darkest of the night.
Depression lies to me that I am worthless, yet I am a child of the living God.
My identity is in Christ. No matter what lies depression tells me, I will not heed them. I will not listen to them, rather I will live as the heir of my heavenly father that I am. I will look for all the wonderful things that I can be thankful for. Small and large, and I WILL be thankful. For I am blessed. I have life. Now and eternally. God alone has lifted me out of the pit and raised me up onto high ground. Praise be to God.